IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT ... OR THE SMELL

One chilly Monday morning in Christchurch, Alun, Eifion (who was over on holiday from Melbourne), Marc and I decided that a little pampering was in order and headed into the hills for the alpine spa village of Hanmer Springs. The long established Hanmer spa is a large outdoor complex of nine thermal and three mineral pools ranging from a pleasant 36 to a tingling 41 degrees (I’m sure Delia poaches eggs at this temperature). Should you fancy a bit more of an intimate experience ‘à deux’, a few dollars more will secure you one of six small secluded pools all to yourselves. Just imagine a crisp winter evening, snow sparkling all around, enjoying a candle-lit hot chocolate with the object of your heart’s desire … anyway where was I?

Emerging from the changing room into a stiff breeze wearing nothing but swimming togs and goose-pimples was bracing to say the least, then we had to wait for Marc to fiddle with the electronic clothes lockers which required him to choose a memorable PIN number. I couldn’t get into the first pool quickly enough. After ten minutes we were ready for the next one in the temperature stakes which meant getting out of the nice warm water into cold air and frantically searching around between the rocks and bushes.

After the first changeover however, I twigged that all I needed to do was let Eifion get out first and watch where he went before dashing after him when he’d found the next one (sorry Eifion). Up the scale we went, enjoying the sensation of being wrapped in deliciously warm water until we got to 41 degrees. As if the heat was not enough to contend with, this pool had an added dimension – it was a mineral pool that was rich in sulphur and reeked to high heaven of rotten eggs. After two minutes all my silver jewellery had turned into a rich gold colour which looked very nice but after five minutes it had gone a dark bluey-grey which looked plain cheap. The colour fades after a few days but for those who want instant sparkle restoration, there is a free cleaning service available. After a good twenty minutes simmering I’d had enough – the combination of the heat and the smell was making me feel queasy and I didn’t want to be the subject of an incident so I moved back to the coolness and balm of the 38 degree pool where we lounged for another half hour until the skin on our fingers started to look like prunes.

You can’t go anywhere anymore without a photographer snapping you as you get off a boat or the back of a camel for a ‘no obligation’ photo and this place was no different. We posed and showed our teeth for the official photo-shoot then asked the attendant to take some photos of us peeping over the side of the pool – for free! With the money we saved, there was enough for drinks all round in the Hurunui Inn on the way home.